At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
