So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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