I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
