Im at strip club and am horny
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
