U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
