You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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