Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
His hands were made for my vagina.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
