FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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