I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
