I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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