is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
