We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
