Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
two words: eviction party
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
