It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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