3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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