when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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