Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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