I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Randomize
