sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
