So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
