The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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