No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
