I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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