I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
