I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
