I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
