Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
this hospital has no fireball
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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