If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
