We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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