"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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