wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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