he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
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Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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