Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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