last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
