she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
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