I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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