Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
