Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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