So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
