i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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