So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
