Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
