I skipped work to stalk him.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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