Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
