Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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