Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
