I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
