she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
