"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
