What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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