and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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