Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
