go do what you do best...puke behind churches
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
