Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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