I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
