She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
