I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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