One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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