You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
