Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it hurts more in the daytime
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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