It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
