I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
