I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
